On Occasion I Remember I Have a Blog

Here's a bunch of stuff you've probably been wondering about:

Life has gotten a little bit easier lately.  Davis is three months today.

 

 Today--Three Months.

He still screams if he's not being held, but two things are helping a lot:  (1) He generally goes to bed at 8:00 gets up only once during the night.

I can handle the day better if I'm not totally bleary eyed.

And (2) he smiles and flirts and coos a lot.

 

He smiles the most in the morning.

It's easier to put up with some screaming when he's alternately adorable. 

It's funny that I am just starting to feel on top of my life and schedule these days, and things will all change when school gets out in two weeks.  Since I get up really early with Davis, I don't really mind the morning hustle to get everyone out the door in the morning.  Then I love having three mornings a week with only the two little guys.  That's my time to get stuff done.

 

I'm very scared for school to get out and suddenly have four kids around all day.  It's time to figure out some structure and babysitters and maybe even camps.  This is not my summer to be a hero.

We blessed Davis this past Sunday. I'm lucky I snapped just a couple pictures of him before church--they were the only ones I got of him alone that day.  He wore this little seersucker outfit that used to be Buster's:

 My parents came to town for it and all of Tyler's family came.

 

 

It was really nice, and it forced me to get my house really clean.  That took DAYS.  I am going to try to put in a solid 30 minutes of picking up/cleaning every night so that my house doesn't descend back into its usual state of squalor.  Of course that won't last long.

I got released from my fabulous cannery calling and called to be the substitute Gospel Doctrine teacher.  When the bishop said "substitute" I interrupted him and said "I like where you're going with this," but my friend who is the regular teacher just left town for a month.  (DANG YOU HEATHER!)  I am excited about it in theory, but not so much actually spending precious kid-free time planning a lesson.  It will be good for me though.  I wish I looked hotter these days so I could showboat a bit more.

Did I mention that Tyler got a new job around the time Davis was born?  The company is headquartered in the UK so he works remotely.  It's bad for everyone when he works from home, so he rents some office space.

 A rare morning taking a call on our bed.

He rides his bike to work most days and has grown a beard to spite me.  He usually has to be in too early to help in the mornings but he gets home early-ish at night which is great.  He loves working alone and not having to chat with coworkers.  For Mother's Day he told me he'd get up with Davis every night for a week and give me the nights off after work. He delivered on about 85% of that and it was wonderful!

Shopping-wise I got a new swimsuit from Land's End so I can quit wearing my maternity one.  Swimsuit shopping was not fun, but not quite motivating enough to make me back off the Oreos yet.  I also got these lady-like summer sneakers:

They are cute and comfortable but most importantly they are not mannish.

I'm sure you're dying to know what's happening with my other kids but I'll have to save that for another day.

Mannish

These are the facts:  I have broad shoulders, no hips or butt, skinny limbs, and all my weight goes to my chest and belly.  I am built like a Warner male.  Here is my dad (on the left) and his siblings:

Exhibit A

These features are exacerbated when I have extra weight on me, like right now.  I am neither complaining nor bragging; after 33 years I just know what I'm working with.  I like to look feminine, but I tend to "go mannish" very easily if I wear the wrong things.  For instance, I can't wear Converse sneakers.  I think they are cute, and Brooke and my mom wear them with ease.

Mom.

(Brooke got her body.)

I put on Converse and I immediately look like a man.  I have to wear dainty shoes.  Them's the breaks.

So I perked up the other day when a transgender (male to female) person was on What Not to Wear. Casey (a male to female transgender) struggled to create an hourglass shape because she naturally had broad shoulders, a belly, and no hips.  All my issues! I was excited to get some tips that I could apply.  I nearly died when Clinton and Stacy helped Casey pick out this outfit:

It's my go-to!  The black cardi and everything.  Here I am wearing the exact same thing at Max's blessing:

This was 2008 but I have acquired about ten versions of this outfit since.

So there you have it.  Validation.  For better or worse.

Hope Ya Know I Had a Hard Month

I know having four healthy kids is a good problem to have. 

 Davis, two months.

However that herd of little kids has been seriously busting my groove this past month. I've had some dark days. Hence the lack of posting.  I have a babysitter here right now and it's been a good day so I am going to knock out a quick post.

What's Hard:

The main thing that's hard is that my babies are divas from age one month til about six months.  All of them have been.  I'm sure I train them to do this, but basically they scream if they are not being held.

I can handle a two-year-old screaming all day.  (I just throw them in their room and move on).  But infant screaming wears me down really fast.  I get a few minutes here and there where he'll chill out in the swing or the beanbag chair, but otherwise he's in my arms and it's hard to do anything else.

My babies are also prone to get flat heads.  I think they have extra soft skulls.  So I feel really guilty anytime Davis is in the swing.  If he falls asleep in his carseat, I feel like I have to transfer him to his crib.  When I'm driving, I feel guilty that his head is getting flat.  It haunts me.

I'm tired and I got a cold for a while.  So physically I'm not at the top of my game.

Tyler went out of town for two weeks.  I had tons of help from both my mom and my mother-in-law, but there were a few days and nights when I was alone. I maintain that this is a two-person job, and I shamelessly admit that I don't handle it well by myself yet. 

 

 Mom and Davis, 7 weeks.

SUNDAYS.  Ugh!  Sundays are the WORST for me.  We have 9:00 am church.  I love getting out and going to church.  But the rest of the day is so long and brutal.  I am definitely someone who loves to be out and long Sunday afternoons at home kill me.  I am going to adopt a game plan with lots of walks and activities for future Sundays.  

What's Helping:

Davis is soooo cute.  He may be my cutest baby.  And he has finally started smiling a lot.  I love him so much.

Two months.

I started going back to the gym.  I only go two or three times a week but I get a great break and I feel more like myself.  I'm also excited to lose the baby weight, but I'm not in a rush about it.

I get babysitters.  I just went to Costco with only Davis.  It was bliss.

Last week the two of us went to get his birth certificate.  

We had a sweet time in this government building.

I still don't cook.  People are still bringing me occasional dinners.  It's shameful but wonderful.  We also eat out a ton.

 Waiting for pizza.

Something has to give around here, and for me cooking is easy to give up.  It makes my life so much easier to go through a drive through for lunch, plus the coke and fries are calming to my soul.  That's who I am.

Davis is starting to do long stretches in the Baby Bjorn which makes life easier. 

I got some pants that fit me now.  Two pairs of capris that I will wear all summer.  There is dignity in wearing real pants with a zipper.

I have very low expectations for myself. And for this post.  OUT!

From the Trenches: A Post Written Not to Solicit Help or Sympathy but to Remind My Future Self What it's Really Like with a Five-Week-Old

If I remember correctly, things were relatively smooth after I had Bennett. Charlie and Max were in great stages. I think I only cried one time.  I was a hero.

This transition has been harder for me.  As with each new baby, there are so many constant needs.  It's hard to get everyone bathed and there always seems to be one kid who hasn't eaten yet.  It's herding cats to get everyone's shoes on and get them in the car. Bed time is the worst. But I am used to chaos and this is all bearable.  Here's the unbearable: 

LESS SLEEP THAN EVER! Davis gets up three times every night, and there is a good chance that at least one other kid will be up in the night for some reason.

So I'm operating in a bleary haze most days.  Some things are easier this time around (like nursing) but some things are harder (like having to get up early to get Charlie to Kindergarten and not being able to take naps--they just don't work out 95% of the time.)

BENNETT.

 

Benny's broken arm has really limited what we can do. Being home all day has been hard on everyone, and it also means my kids trash my house all day long.  Some days I say "I don't care, I'll just enjoy the baby."  Then I go out of my mind because being in a messy house is stressful and no one else is going to pick it all up.  (The kids do their best, but of course that requires supervision from me.)

RAGING SICKNESS.  The worst was that Benny got a BAD case of stomach flu.

 

It raged for three days (during which I did my best to sequester all my kids because I could not in good conscience expose other people).  He was miserable during that time and then really, really grumpy for a few days after that.

I couldn't even be mad at the poor guy, but he was basically a nightmare.

A BAWLING SIX-YEAR-OLD.

All the while Charlie, who I have been counting on to be a helper, has been so whiny and disagreeable.  He is more frustrating to me than Bennett because I feel like Charlie should know better. It took a friend of mine to point out that Charlie is probably struggling to adjust to the baby.  I feel like an idiot for not realizing this earlier. I was so focused on helping Benny through the transition that I forgot about my older guys.  I have since been trying to show Charlie a lot of love, but he is still a hot mess.  There is a LOT of crying going on at our house. And whining.  And hysterical toddler screaming. You'd like it.

AND then of course there is a five-week-old.

Through all this, Max is an angel.  If anything he is being sweeter.  He brings me dandelions every day.

"Let's get you some help!" you say.  It's not just about accepting or asking for help.  I have fantastic help in my life right now.  More than I could ever imagine.  I am using it, and I'm not posting this to solicit more. Sometimes certain types of help are actually counterproductive.  I am trying to be honest with people about what helps and what doesn't.  Some things just need my own best efforts coupled with time.  I get this, and I know this really hard time will go quickly.   It's just my reality right now.

So, Baby Hungry Future Self (should you ever exist), yes, little babies are wonderful.

They are so cute and sweet and cuddling them is the best.  I DO appreciate this time.  But new babies don't come in a vacuum.  Remember the other kids and the screaming and the messy house.  Remember the exhaustion.  Remember the feeling of hot emotional tears welling up even though you know you are being irrational.  It's okay to miss the little babies but don't over-glamorize life with a newborn.  (Oh and also don't forget that time you had to deliver a baby with no meds.)  And heaven forbid you choose to have a fifth, don't say I didn't warn you.

How To Not Be a Hero and Love It

On my fourth (and presumably last!) baby I've finally figured out that there is no reason to try to be a hero.

  

 3 weeks--He's always got his hands up.

I'm fully embracing all the help people are offering and it's keeping me sane and functional.  Here's here I'm not being a hero and loving it:

1.  I started giving Davis a bottle at two weeks.  I want to start giving him formula right away too.  No one needs a baby attached to them all the time.

2.  I let Tyler take the night shift once or twice a week.

 

He's done this more frequently with each baby and I don't know why we didn't start this with Charlie.  It's life-changing to get a full night's sleep every once in while. 

3.  I am eating plenty--for my milk supply and my emotional well being. I am not expecting myself to lose weight yet.  But I am trying to avoid gaining lots of weight in this stage like I did with Benny.  That only depressed me. On a related note, I have embraced ruffly shirts like this one from Target for $12.99: 

They help hide the belly.  I also got this Mossimo elastic-waist skirt and I'll be wearing it most days this spring:

 Probably summer, too.

4.  I got a massage on Saturday and I'm going to get them regularly.  I have had an achy back ever since the baby was born and massages make me a new women.  I figure if I ever deserve them, it's now.

5.  I am simply not cooking, or cooking in the most minimal way possible.  This is largely due to awesome friends and church members who have brought dinners that feed us for days.  I wisely spaced them out, and I fill in the holes with sandwiches, In n Out, and pizza.  I told you, I'm not trying to be a hero.

Three weeks.

6.  I drink as much Diet Coke (decaf and regular) as I want. 

7.  I pay extra to grab things at Safeway or Target instead of going to Costco.  I love Costco but I can't face it yet.  (I still use my friends to pick up stuff too.) 

8.  I make my kids pick up their own messes at night.  I refuse to be picking up all day long.  My house is a mess during the day and I ignore it.  I am also going to hire cleaners for a few months.

9.  When my mother-in-law offered to come stay with me and help while Tyler's out of town, I said "SWEET!" 

10.  I let myself sit in the glider with the baby at night and watch tv with Tyler.  We are finally watching all of Arrested Development and we are so hooked.

 

I think it's the funniest show I've ever seen besides Seinfeld.  Have you seen it yet?  Did you love it?

P.S.  Happy Birthday to Brooke today!  Her post today had me belly laughing about our [unsuccessful] audition for a children's modeling agency in the late 80's . . . .

Life is Weird with a Newborn, and People are Great

Davis is two and a half weeks now.

 

 Two weeks.

He's waking up in longer stretches during the day and sleeping in shorter stretches during the night. (Doh!) He's so cute and I know this time is so fleeting.  But I have to be honest and say life is so weird when you have a newborn.  I always feel out of it--it's a combination of the sleep deprivation, the hormones, the postpartum nursing body and being home so much.

 

I think the being home is actually the weirdest part for me.  I get antsy really easily (it's from the Poole genes) and I feel strange when I'm not out participating in society. This really hasn't been going on that long--my mom was here all last week and the baby was still sleeping all the time.

 Picking up Mom from the airport (in her sparkly shoes).

We did tons of stuff and I felt pretty normal.  Now that I'm on my own it takes longer to do everything.  I would actually still go out more, but Bennett fractured his arm last week.

 

He's in a splint and he's supposed to be really careful or the fracture could get worse, so we haven't been able to go out and do the stuff I would normally do with a newborn--parks, letting the boys ride bikes, etc.  Luckily my boys are usually content to play at home. Still I feel like it is impossible to give each of them enough attention.

 

Benny seems to be having a bit of a hard time.  

(And he shows it by driving us all crazy).

My favorite part of the day is when the big guys go to bed and I get to sit and cuddle Davis for an hour or two.  Then I try to hop in bed the minute he falls asleep.

 

Bath time-- two weeks.

I have been so happily overwhelmed by the village of people helping me this go-round.  It started with my mother-in-law and my mom.  When my mom was here she took us out to eat every day (literally), she took the big boys out, we drove around and she helped me do errands.

 

 Two weeks.

She would get up and get the boys to school.  It was great.  Now I have two other friends who are taking turns picking up Charlie for school.  (Bless them.)  Other friends are taking Max and Bennett for play dates.  People are bringing awesome dinners that feed us for days.  Friends have dropped off banana bread and a Costco cake and one particularly delightful big bag full of treats and snacks.

 

 Today-- two and a half weeks.

A couple friends text me regularly from Costco to take my order and deliver it to my door.  I haven't had to grocery shop in weeks!  Four kids is a ton of kids and I am so grateful for all this help. I hope to pay it forward should I ever rejoin society.

Great Things About Having a Baby

. . . . besides having a tiny cute baby . . .

1.  Helpers.

 

Life is great when someone else takes my big kids to school and out to do fun things, cooks and cleans, tells me to nap, etc.

2.  Naps.  The best naps being Sundays with the baby while everyone else is at church.

3.  THE FOOD!  The food that is delivered by generous friends, the take-out that is justified, the big bowl of candy that powers me through the day.  And feeling like I can have it all because I need to get that milk supply up!  (And because I can't even think about losing weight yet.)

4.  TV.  You get to sit on your duff during feedings and watch so much tv.  It's so great.

5.  Feeling so comfortable not having a full-size baby in your belly, and sleeping on your stomach at night.

My kids just got home so this is the end of this post.